I know it has been a while since I have wrote a blog. I am sorry to all of those who actually read my blog. So Jessi and mom I am sorry to disappoint yall.
For the last couple of weeks the issue of GRACE has been on my mind. This issue sticks with me because it is something my entire life I have struggled with. Growing up I never understood Grace properly. I was taught at a young age Eph. 2:8-9. It was one of the first verse I memorized in Awana, but the problem is not with the knowledge of what Grace is the problem is living life knowing that God acts in grace toward us.
I thought being a Christian was following the rules because Christians are supposed to be "good." I remember making deals with God. i.e. (God if you make it so I do not get in trouble for this sin, I will never do it again. God if you make me feel better I will pray everyday. God if you make my dad have grace toward me I will read my Bible. God if you bless me I will serve You).
THIS IS NOT GRACE, this is works. My relationship with Jesus was all about what God can do for me. I was selfish and did not really care about a growing relationship with Jesus. I was taught that God would not be happy with me if I did not go to church or serve Him the way the "church" taught me. This theology is incorrect. Jesus loves me. His Grace is sufficient for my short comings. I need Jesus because I cannot be 100% good. I went to church because Jesus would not bless me if i did not attend (so I was taught). My motives were evil and selfish. To me Christianity was all about me, not about Jesus. God has broke me over the last 4 years. Christians have limited God's grace to the lost. God's grace is also needed for the Christian after salvation.
My relationship Jesus is not about what I do for Him it is about what He did for me on the cross to wash away my sins. Grace is something that God has poured out for me. I do not have to earn it. When I think about my first experieces with church it was not far from the Catholic Churches belief system. Rich in tradionalism and works and lacking grace and Scripture. It is sad, but true. The problem is most Christians have been missing the point for so long, we have forgotten what Jesus did. Yes, we say "Jesus died on the Cross for our sins," but then we think our being forgiven is limited to certian things. Jesus' grace is poured out for you. Teaching that tradionalism is more important than Scripture is SIN. Sin that seperates us from GOD. I do not understand why the church has lifted Tradionalism up to a point where it is higher, than Scripture itself. I am not a radical for the most part many would consider me, tradional-conseritive. But, my preference are not Scripture. Jesus does not care if you read the NIV, KJV, HCSV, NKJV, or NLT. Jesus does not care if you sing Hymns, Southern Gospel, Praise or "7-11" music, (sorry I could not resist). Jesus wants us to CRAVE Him. Jesus wants us to WORSHIP Him. Christianity is about drawing closer to Jesus. We become closer to HIM, by reading Scripture and praying. God is still working on me and changing my persective on alot of different things. We do not become closer with Jesus by debating TRADTIONALISM. (I would not have said that 2 years ago.) God did not call me to debate God called me to PREACH the Truth. Now, I do sometime get wrapped up in debates, but really I am not smart enough to change people minds, I must reference the Truth and pray for conviction. God changes people not me. I have been radical changed as I seek Jesus and people with different views challenge me. I filter challenges through the Scripture and seek Jesus.
The point of all of that is to show that Christianity is not about me. I really do not understand why I thought it was. I can blame it on church and many other things, but what it boils down to is I was seeking the approval of men when I should have been seeking Jesus. "The preacher is not perfect." Grace is not about you, it is about what Jesus has given you. Eph. 2:8-9 Paul wrote, "For by grace you are saved through faith, and this is not from yourselves; it is God's gift, not from works, so that no one can boast." We cannot boast in ourselves because grace is about Jesus. If you think that you must do somthing for Jesus to pour grace out on your life, then you do not understand grace. God helps those who cannot help themselves. We need Jesus. Jesus does not need you.
Sorry this blog was not very organized I need to just write exacly the way my mind was running today. Letting God's Grace reign in my life has been hard. I do not always forgive myself. I ask God to forgive me and I do not let God change me. Grace is freeing. Grace is not a tickets for sinning. Grace is poured out on us because of our sins. Confession is key 1 John 1:9. Confess your sins, turn from them , and let God's Grace reign.